October 4, 2010
Most of us picked up our parenting skills along the way, seemingly accidentally, somewhat by trial and error. Additionally, while we were mostly unaware of it, we brought with us the good, the bad, and the indifferent parenting toolkit we'd gained by living our own childhoods. We learned by observing what our parents did, and what they preached. We learned inadvertent lessons from how our parents treated us, how they treated each other, and the way they handled interchanges with the people in the community around us. If all was well, and there was unconditional love in the house, where calm, respectful communication was prevelent, then you are among the lucky.
All of us were launched into society with a set of preconceptions that work behind the scenes to guide the behaviors we exhibit today. If you grew up in a household of fear, of danger, of constant worry or abuse, you may have had a hard time getting your needs met as a child. Unfortunately, unmet needs can linger into adulthood, and rear up in unpredictable ways.
It's never too late to learn new parenting skills. There are plenty of books on the subject now, and many online resources. For example, check out Positive Parenting. Also visit Attachment Parenting. If you're experiencing serious difficulties, seek help from a psychologist. If you are confused about how to provide your children with a safe, loving environment that promotes their health, development, and sense of well being, there are resources that can help. Seek them out.
As children, and as adults, we have some very specific needs: We need to feel respected, important, accepted, included, and secure. We will be much more fulfilled as individuals when these needs are met.
September 16, 2010
Did you know that you could raise your child without using frightening punishments? Without yelling, shouting -- and God-forbid, spanking? Good. Most of us would agree that we try to raise our children without using such antiquated and harmful methods.
But then again, parenting can be tough, and often, confusing. We might not have the knowledge and skills we need -- we may not have learned it along the way, and so we find that essentially, we're 'parenting' by the seat-of-our-pants, with no real skills, no previous knowledge of what works, and no concrete measure of how to do it well.
Sometimes we make mistakes -- sometimes we lose our temper, and sometimes, we react to things with a set of built-in coping mechanisms that we learned way back in our own traumatic childhoods - reactions that are not necessarily healthy, wise, or helpful for the growth and development of our own child. But we can change.
Even if we had traumatic, difficult childhoods, we can learn how to parent our own children without making them feel inferior, frightened, or worthless -- (which is often how we actually felt or still feel ourselves). One of the concepts is called, positive discipline, and is something you'll hear a lot about in Attachment Parenting. Attachment Parenting International strives to support and educate families who are interested in learning more about this amazing concept. This organization is doing wonderful things. Visit their website and see. Attachment Parenting
January 31, 2010
Kids have a natural desire to help, sometimes to the consternation of their parents. But rather than get frustrated when your little ones want to participate and help you do things, take it as an opportunity to teach them to be volunteers, and show them how to make giving back a lifelong habit. Here are some suggestions for teaching your children to do good deeds, and to feel really good about it! - Help your child to get a long-distance pen-pal, and encourage her/him to write letters back and forth.
- Volunteer as a family at a local food drive - collect canned goods to bring along
- Make baked goods for a local homeless shelter
- Participate in a family-oriented walk-a-thon or other sports event
- Make get-well cards for your local children's hospital, or senior citizen's nursing home
- Encourage your child to give one or two of their birthday gifts to a local Ronald McDonald house, for ill children and their families.
Kids who learn how to share and care at a young age, will carry this charitable attitude and sense of gratitude into adulthood. The sense of well-being that comes from volunteering and giving back is a gift that keeps on giving.
July 14, 2009
Women and girls are treated harshly in many tribal areas of Afghanistan, where forced marriage, beatings, and rape are regular occurrences. It is difficult for most of us in western societies to comprehend the level of desperation these women face, but suffice it to say, their circumstances can be brutal, and life-threatening. Changing the course of their lives can be a daunting task, particularly because women have few options in tribal Afghanistan -- cultural and societal mores are such that women must depend upon men for their very existence -- it is scandalous for a woman to live alone, or try to pursue work on her own.
Fortunately, the emergence of women's shelters are providing a glimmer of hope. Women for Afghan Women is one of them. Visit their website to see what you can do to support their efforts. Women for Afghan Women, is part of the Family Guidance Center in Kabul, and is funded by private donors in the United States, European Governments, and nongovernmental organizations.
June 13, 2009
Fathers are such an important part of a child's life, and this month, on June 21st, we can spend all day celebrating them! My dad is 85 - and I feel extremely lucky to have him in my life. He has slowed down a bit in the past few years, but he still has an infectious laugh, and his love for me is boundless. He taught me many lessons, and though we didn't always see eye to eye on every subject, I have the utmost respect for him, and love him very much.
Find some special ways to acknowledge the fathers in your life this month -- and help your children get into the act too. Rather than a store-bought gift, dads will get a big kick out of a home-made item, and personally-created gift card. You can get some ideas online at Kaboose.com.
We all need a little pat on the back once in awhile. 50Ways.org wishes all the dads a very happy Father's Day!
June 7, 2009
Summer is upon us, and with economy being as volatile as it is, most highschool kids will be out looking for jobs. Unfortunately, they'll be doing so in a job market with a scarcity of options. Though I will be searching for some good ideas to post soon, I wanted you to be aware of some jobs your kids SHOULDN'T vie for. According to the National Consumers League, teenagers should avoid:
Harvesting crops, construction and height work, driving forklifts, all-terrain vehicles, tractors, and other heavy-duty construction vehicles, traveling sales crews, and landscaping and grounds-keeping services.
Jobs for teens will be a subject for concern for many parents this summer. We all need to help guide kids into summer jobs that are safe, enjoyable, and hopefully that will help them prepare for eventua full-time work in the adult workforce.
May 29, 2009
School is almost out, and since it looks like summer school classes are being cut due to budget constraints, parents will need to figure out some alternatives for their kid's summer break. Check out the WMCA, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, and Camp Fire girls. Also, check with your local Parks and Recreation department for scheduled activities.
May 8, 2009
Mothers are the heartbeat of the home. The nurturers, the community-builders, the teachers, and the organizers. We wear many hats, juggle many activities, and put others - especially our children, first. Take time to appreciate your mother, her mother, you, and all mothers for the invaluable contribution to society that you selflessly make, every single day.
Happy Mother's Day!!
April 23, 2009
Earth Day is April 22. Though we should consider the health of our planet every day, having a special day gives us a great opportunity to think Green, and support projects that protect our environment.
April 5, 2009
It's Sunday! Remember to take a little time to relax and unwind. Worship, and express gratitude. Play with your kids! Go outside and enjoy nature. Take time to appreciate the beauty of youth!
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